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Butters! This is your father!

Explain why you snuck into another boy's bedroom and gave him a hickey! Butters, you will open this door right now! What have I done to myself? I should have known I wouldn't have the stomach to be a vampire. I'm so hungry. Butters, you have five seconds to unlock this door. Butters, did you get gay with one of your schoolmates tonight?

I have to eat. But I can't do it. I'm getting weak. All right. Now you listen and you listen good. Until you stop behaving this way, you are not going the leave this room! Do you understand?

To clarify the difference between goth kids and vampire kids.

I know now what I have to do. Steven, what has happened to our boy? He's become something, Linda. Something. That we cannot ground.

Fellow students, over the past weeks there's been a lot of confusion.

I just don't get it. We sent the head vampire to Scotsdale. But still more and more kids are dressing up like vampires. It must not have been what causing it. It must be something else. You're gonna order any food.

Or just sit there and drink coffee all night. Leave us alone. Bad enough if I always get stuck with you goth kids. Now I've goth kids in my entire section.

They aren't goth, they are douches little vampire kids. Looks the same to me.

I bet they aren't even drinking coffee. No, they said they were to young to drink caffeine,

So they have an orange juice. Let's go over there. And tell them they are not taking their legend from us too. It's over, all right? There's too many of them now. We can't stop them. Let's just face it. The freakin' vampires beat us.

Did you say you're trying to get rid of the vampires? I want to help you. Get away, douchebag. Some legends say that if you destroy the vampire's lair, The vampires will go back to being human again.

What? Vampires! I seen 'em!

What are you talking about? I can take you. To the place where kids are being transformed into vampires.

Lunchtime's almost over. Should we drink some more blood?

Hot Topic? When did this open? Two weeks ago. It used to be a banana republic. Freakin' Hot Topic. That explains everything. How did we not figure that out?