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I call the black guy. Cut it out!

You're gonna break the bar.

You made life better for both of us.

That's right. You might know "fujitsu,". But my head can break things. What do you think of that, Mr. I'm-Better-Than-Earl-At-Everything? Bet you can't do this. Son of a bitch! Blake, go get me some cigarettes from the vending machine. Yeah, sure. I'll just be. over there, At the vending machine. And I'll be waiting right here. Earl, this isn't right. Isn't this what you wanted? For me to get jealous? You're jealous of your cousin. It ain't got nothing to do with me.

Is my name "bird-defroster"?

Or else you'd be jealous of all these other guys, too. I don't know what you want from me. Look, I'm not trying to criticize you, But jealousy, throwing me a party, Making me a nice video, Those are all ways to show you care. And you don't do stuff like that. Well, I pretended to do all those things. Doesn't that count for something? Who are we kidding? You saw the video. This isn't a marriage. What did I expect, I mean, I tricked you into marrying me. You didn't care about me when you agreed to that, And I don't think you ever will. I wouldn't. I'm sorry, Earl.

So, while killer bees were invading Camden,

I think it's time we just end it.

But I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

In a whole year, I had never stopped to think about. Whether or not I cared about my wife.

In those days, I never really stopped to care about anything. While I was facing the end of my marriage, Everyone else was facing the end of their lives. They're gonna get in! I can't believe I'm gonna die today.

You're jealous of your cousin.

I have four outstanding books from the library. What if that's all it says in the paper? I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin. I was saving myself for marriage. I hope you're impressed! And that you exist! I can't believe I'm gonna die without giving it up for free. Just once I should've done that. I've always wanted to try a threesome. I've never kissed a man and I want to. What kind of man doesn't know if he cares about his wife? A man in a coma. Or a man who got married over the Internet. And he hasn't met his wife yet 'cause she's being shipped here on a boat. The only person I've ever really cared about is you, And you're my brother. I don't have a choice. What if I'm just a lazy jerk who's gonna live his life. Never caring about anybody else?

Before my list, When I didn't have time to think,

It always ended with me doing the wrong thing, Like stealing or peeing in public.

But not on that day, Not in that moment. I can't say that moment turned me into a perfect husband, Or that Joy didn't have to drive my drunk ass home. Later that night, But that was the day I knew I could care about someone else. I did care about someone else and she knew it, too. I guess you learn what you're capable of. When you stare death in the face. It's all okay! They are gone.

I didn't have time to untie him from the tree.

The bees are on their way to Texas. This never happened. And when you have history with people, You'll always remember those meaningful days. I think it's ready, Darnell. Give it a shot.