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Pretty much full time with the whole slag thing these days

Please hurry up, love. OK! I'm ready. God! Jesus Christ! You're not going out to a ferry disaster dressed like that! Why not? It's my new costume.

Talk to her, Amanda. 'Cos I've had it with this. I'll be in the hover car. C'mon love, you know Dad likes us looking smart for these things.

In any other line of work I could cover up, but.

Yeah, well maybe I don't care about the stupid, pointless rescue mission! Oh, please, pet. For me? Fine! God, I hate this family! So, how do I look? Yeah. You look. you know. Like a homeless slag. Excellent. Cheers, Don. Welcome. What's the special occasion? Parents. Are they coming here? Yes, Jenny. The Richard and cocking Judy of superheroes are coming here. You're still into the dressing slutty to piss them off thing? Yep. It never gets boring. Unlike, say. Here comes the hot stepper! How did the casting go?

Let's explore that. I think I can help.

Are we looking at the new face of Power Pump gym equipment? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Well, went OK. Lots of positives. He didn't get it. Irrelevent. Lost out to Mainframe. So no disgrace there. Isn't he the guy in the wheelchair? It's. . not exactly a wheelchair, per se. It's a chrome-plated chariot with. It's a wheelchair. Well, can't sit here all afternoon.

Some of us at least try to lead secret double lives.

I don't know why you bother. It's fun.

You're moonlighting at an insurance company. Hold on, Jenny, I'll come with. Oh, yeah? Where you off to? Nowhere. We all know what that means. Who's the lucky fella? It's nobody. Seriously. Some bastard's in for a bum bashing, eh, Don? Alex. Hey, I'm cool with your sexuality. Give him one from me, eh? Quick poke in the brown eye! I'm going to see a therapist. Oh, my God, are you OK? I'm fine. Just think maybe it's time I sorted my head out. Right. Sorry about the bumming stuff. Don't worry. You look like a right slag today. Aw, cheers, Alex. OK. Welcome, everybody. Quick bit of housekeeping before we start. No mind reading, mind melding or mind control. Please switch off all electronic devices: mobile phones, pagers, Police scanners, missile defence alert systems. Lovely. We have a newbie with us today. If you'd like to say a bit about yourself. Hi, I'm Don. Timebomb. Round of applause, Don.

Sorry, Don, did you have some feed back there?

You're already a hero just for being here.

Standing here in silence with all of you just staring at me.

They're here. Your Dad's just signing autographs in the cloakroom. God's sake! What kind of sad twat. OK. Childhood hero. They both were. I used to have this thing for your Mum. It's called an erection, Simon. You and every other tit in my school. Just so you know, I would never. Not over your mother. She's untouchable like Princess Diana, Lorraine Kelly. Piss off, Simon. I've got some parents to disappoint. How'd you mean? Just a fun game me and my Dad play, Called "I was never good enough for you. So I'm gonna bust my chuff to disappoint you, you shit eater". I believe we've got Kerplunk behind the bar. Hello, love. Mum, make yourself useful. G & T. Pint of. Rampart, you old bastard! Now then, Norseman, you son of a bitch! Skip the foreplay, go straight to the bum sex. Toner cartridge. Maybe I can just. Let me guess. No. It's fine. It just needs a quick. Off-line system reboot. You must be Jenny. Gary. Project manager. Nice to meet you. That's quite a firm handshake you've got there. Very powerful. Personally, I like that in a girl.

We've got a relationship where we're screaming at each other one minute.

That's enough. That's enough. God, sorry! Vulnerable side. Very attractive in a man. So, how was work? Shit, actually. Really shit.

Pretty much full time with the whole slag thing these days. So, you're not still seeing that Alex fella, are you? Too busy shagging around. I love it up me. Well, thank God for that. See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.

Come on, Barry. I think you've done enough.

I'm sorry, what? I'm just happy you've finally broken up with that wee poof.